Campers were shocked that the one man that they thought that they could trust was actually a big, old meany! Sources indicate that Chris Mathieson is actually sending campers to bed! Jared Nagano, a first year camper said, “He sent me to bed, and it felt like my whole life was over!”

Another first year camper, Matt Perry, was sent to bed on two separate occasions. On the first time, Matt, the poor soul, tried desperately to stay awake all night by drinking Pepsi, but Mathieson’s telepathic powers forced him to sleep for 20 minutes!

First year camper Joey Wecker was victim to another one of Chris’s attacks. He said, “I wandered out to find my roommate, and Chris nearly bit my head off!” When will it end? Nobody knows. This tyranny must be stopped. If all else fails,
send in the ninjas.