To Whom It May Concern:

I have received word that you are harboring at least one Canadian in the confines of your little camp. I don’t like it, not one bit! I have proof that Chris Mathieson is armed and highly dangerous. You must return him to us immediately. If you are too frightened or unsure to confront him, we will send an Embassy car to pick him up at five o’clock tonight. Beware. Use the utmost caution around him and try to isolate him until our experts arrive. Just keep him happy and he shouldn’t strike out. (He likes maple syrup. A lot.) Please remember that I only have your best interests at heart. I know you like the guy, but really, get over it.
In Your Service, Prime Minister Jean-Pierre Jaques Claude Mierrot Piaget Minot Lessard

To the people of Satori:

How dare you mock the sacred brotherhood of the ninjitsu. We ninja train for years. Our fathers, our father’s fathers, and our father’s father’s fathers before them have passed down the way of the ninja. We accept it with honor. But you, you fools, you use us as an idle threat, as amusement! Don’t blame us if you wake up dead! That said, Matt Buchholtz totally rocks our socks off.

--Honorably Yours, The Ninja