Although hardly any human beings on the face of the earth know about this strange and obscure fact, Mr. Matthew Buchholtz is actually a CIA agent. He has always been the most secretive of all of the bigger people at Satori.

Matt Perry said, “Yah, he was writing this really strange e-mail that he wouldn’t let us see. It really creeped me out.” Suspicians have also risen about Buchholtz’s changing facial hair status, and many suspect shaving as just another part of his disguise.

We must all have caution around this man, for he might be dangerous. After all, he has the power to control ninjas. If you are not careful, he will send them to kill you.