Two campers in suspended animation as a result of the amazingly low temperatures. (SH /Chris Mathieson)

Researchers work feverishly to confirm Drs. Smith and von Bubba's claims. (SH)

Camp leadership gathers to consider the ramifications of the theory. (File Photo)

Somewhere -- Once again, Satori Camp is truly the coolest place in the Universe.

After years of study, New York University researchers John Smith and Hubba von Bubba had concluded that the camp lies at a unique thermal equilibrium point.

"There's no other place like it in the universe, according to our calculations. There just can't be."

It appears that the Satori Summer Camp for gifted teens has an average temperature infinitesimally close to absolute zero. In fact, no current temperature-recording technology is sensitive enough to detect any heat at all.

"We had to rely on some rather complex math to estimate its temperature. I sure hope I remembers to carry that one digit." explains Dr. von Bubba.

This is not the first time scientists have claimed to have found the coolest point in the universe. In 1989, a Russian research group claimed to have found a surprisingly cold region within a vokda bottle. Their results, however, were unable to be replicated because the bottle disappeared mysteriously. It has been alleged that it disappeared during a tour of the lab by Russian Premier Vladimir Putin.

Since the study was published, countless people have tried to get on the bandwagon. Both Frigidaire and Coca Cola have entered into exclusive marketing deals with the camp. "We felt this was the perfect partnership," says Julio Happyface, spokesman for Coca Cola. "We all know that soda is better cold."

The camp itself, however, is unsure what to make of all this attention. "It was bad enough when the orthopedic surgeons found that this was the hippest place on Earth. This really sucks!", claims Freddie Funt, a camper.

Last word goes to Mike Cantlon, Satori Camp co-Director: "It's hard to believe this isn't a real article!"